I love black thongs
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I want a musical about memes.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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