you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
