Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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