u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
