I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
