i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
