If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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