Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
