Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
