I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
