I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
