ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
