her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
