someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
