You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
