i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
