i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
