I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
