totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
