im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
