You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
