dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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