If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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