If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
