Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
