Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
you never un-have a 4some
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
