We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
