just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
