I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
