What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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