i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
