new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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