You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
