in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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