i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
MIDGETS
????
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
