Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
