if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
