I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
