I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
