Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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