I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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