meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
