We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
