i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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