This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
