why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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