a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
