and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
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