where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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