You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
