Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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