Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
