Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
In America we eat man semen.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
