i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
